How the Tediz Got Evil
by General Eric
Summary: This story explains how the Tediz got evil, with help from many guests. Please Review as this is my first fanfic. Rated R for language mostly said by the General.


  
How the Tediz Got Evil  
by General Eric  
  
  
  
All Rareware characters belong to Rareware  
  
This is my first Fanfic of this type on this site so please review it and tell what you think,  
plus you get points if you know what the in-joke on the General's name being Smith is.  
  
  
  
Hello,I'm General Eric, you must be like me, wondering how the tediz started a war   
against the Squirrels, and here thanks to the help of General Smith and Gregg the Grimm Reaper,  
I was able to find out the Tediz past, present and maybe a little bit of the furture, so now,   
here it is, "The History Of The Tediz"  
  
  
Eric: It all started innocently enough many years ago, back then when the milk wars were happening,  
which was part of the war between the Squirrels and the Weasels, the Tediz, peace-loving creature at the time,  
were frigtened by the war, but they knew they had to fight in it because this war would determine the fate of  
the world, would it be ruled by the Squirrels, or the Weasels? The Tediz, back then known as the Brown Bears, liked  
what the Squirrels were fighting for, so they joined them. All the bears were formed into a special task force,  
they were sent near enemy lines, preparing to attack when the command was sent, but the Weasels somehow learned the radio code  
and told the Bears to attack, they were all slaughtered and to this day the Tediz thought the Squirrels done this as a diversonary  
attack, and any corrections made by other animals were ignored. But when the Tediz died they didn't realize they were  
one of those "special" cases, you say it Gregg.  
  
Gregg: Yes, you better bloody belive it, it seems that those bastards are special, I don't know why, but I don't care cense I'm not paid  
very much and it would seem to me this happens because those higher guys are bored and want to mess around with me those bloody bastards, at   
least there not cats, those bloody things, the way they meow and...  
  
Eric: Gregg, just talk about the Tediz.  
  
Gregg: Alright, when Bears die they go to this world with people called "Humans" they serve as toys for young "humans", they can move and remember  
their past but once a "human" comed by they automatically go to where they were left last, but they still had a giant hatred for Squirrels, and so it was, but  
they were in a very special time in the human world, it was 1933, and a very special group of people called "Nazis" were taking power.  
  
Eric: Thanks Gregg, now, as you may not know, the Nazi's were a political group in Germany led by Adolf Hitler, they blamed the Jews on why Germany was in terrible  
shape at the time and they became the political group in charge by use of force. Their sign was the Swastica. When Hitler became Germany's president in 1933 he quickly sent  
people he didn't like to work camps, many were Jews. In 1939 he invaded Poland and starteds World War 2. So you may ask, how does this relate to the Tediz, well the Tediz saw how the Nazi's  
treated the Jews and saw their invasion of Europe, they thought, if they used those tactics they could rule the world, they changed their language to German, they changed their flag to resemble the   
Nazi flag, they even changed their name to Tediz, but they knew that they would never return back home, but they did, and here's how it happened, Gregg can not only decide where you go, but he also  
can bring back the dead.  
  
Gregg: Yes that's true, I brought back that dogfish to kill those bloody catfish, also I brought back the Tediz.  
  
Eric: So, you may be wondering why he brought the Tediz back, well we've brought a special guest, brought back from the dead, ZE PROFESSER!  
  
(hovers in on his chair)  
  
Proffeser: Well you zee, I had ze alien in place in ze body of the pather king, zo vhen he dies I vould become king, ze only thing holding me back vere ze Squirrels,  
since I vas the last Weasel king before ve lost the war they vouldn't let me, those vucking bastards, but if they vere eliminated I vould become king, I needed someone whoes  
hated the Squirrels and vere large in numbers, so you ze, the Tediz were ower hope, even thoe we killed them they still hated the Squirrels much more then us. So with my great persuasion  
(and me slipping him a couple of bills) we brought back the Tediz, plus a bunch more that the original Tediz recruited, so I had 600 Tediz in all, I made zome modifications like making zhem stronger  
and much more fierce. Now they vere ready, I let them have zheir only island base and zhey vould attack vhen I said so. And then the day the king threatened me vith the duct tape again I ordered zhem to attack,   
zhe time vas 9:00, and zhe attack vas started. Now I'll be off...  
  
General Smith: Freeze, on behalf of the Squirrel army I will arrest you for crimes against the squirrels.  
  
Proffeser: Oh Zhit!  
  
(Two Soldier Squirrels come in and arrest him)  
  
Eric: Welcome, please tell us your accounts on the war.  
  
General: Well, at 9:00 the Tediz satrted attacking our base, at 9:05, or was that 9:10, well , tell you what, fuck that shit,  
those Tediz attacked our base, and they stole one of our canisters, then we killed them, then they stole another and, well fuck that shit, you look  
like a smart guy, why don't you tell it while I make comments.  
  
Eric: Okay, the tediz attacked the Squirrel bases, they were winning but the Squirrels began winning.  
  
General: Because of my fine strategy no doubt.  
  
Eric: Yeah right, the Squirrels managed to push them back to their island, the Squirrels knew they had to  
defeat them once and for all so they began to invade the base, the first wave was a sucess and Private Rodent help lead the way, but the second wave wasn't so lucky, the third wave was a   
slaughter and Rodent's troops were captured, the last wave would have arrived sooner to help Rodent but a returning bomber crashed into the enterence, so now everything looked doomed,   
but a brave Red Squirrel helped save the day, his name, Private Conker. As he made his way through the base he rescued many squirrels and when he met the Experiment, the Tediz main weapon, he was shocked.  
  
Gregg: Why do you keep talking about this war, do you know how much bloody overtime I got from this little escapade, they don't even pay me very much for all this work.  
  
General: Then why are you a Grimm Reaper?  
  
Gregg: You try and see how many jobs a walking talking skleton can get, even they rejected me at the haunted house, I was too rude they say, well fuck them!   
  
Eric: Okay moving on, the Experiment would have beat Conker, it was just that it was in it's experimental stages and had a weak spot so it failed, it stupidly put on self-destruct  
sealing the fate of the rest of the Tediz and the Squirrels came out victorius so the world is safe from the Tediz..........................  
.............For Now  
  
  
Eric:So Come-on Gregg, I'll buy you a drink at the Cock and Plucker, and speaking of you bringing back people from the dead  
could you bring back Berri because Conker would do anything to meet her again so I could....  
  
General: But guys, there's two minutes left on this fic, we have to act for two more minutes, uhhhhhhhh, well, I like to say that I like to honor all those squirrels that died and uhhhhh, well Fuck that Shit,  
hey guys, my brother works at the Cock and Plucker, wait for me!  
  
  
And so ends the Tediz history, please join us next time while we discuss how in the hell Conker and Berri could mate, because Conker 1/2 her size and it would be impossible for it to, nah, let's just cut to credits.  
  
  
  
  
So, how you like it, please review it since it's my first.   
  



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